4 dos & don'ts of speaking at Web Summit and other large stages
4 dos & don’ts of speaking at Web Summit and other large stages
Kat – November 2018
Whether it’s speaking just in front of a couple of people or thousands – sweaty palms, racing heart, forgetting what you wanted to say, we’ve all felt some level of nerves when speaking publicly. Recently we had the pleasure of attending Web Summit, one of the biggest tech conferences from around the world. There were many highlights from the trip and the conference itself (shout out to Booking.com for providing an awesome women in tech lounge!), but a perk was seeing great speakers live and in action. The event was a perfect case study of good examples of what to do to make a positive impact on stage – and one cautionary tale of what to watch out for. Here my top 4 dos & don’ts of speaking at Web Summit and other large stages:
1. Do make an entrance
Those first few moments on stage are the most nerve-wracking ones, but they are also the most important. So don’t waste them on thanking anyone, saying hi to the audience, or introducing yourself! David Nihill, who held a great talk on hacking public speaking, had these two great tips for making a memorable first impression: One, try to outsource the introduction of who you are to the moderator or someone else so you don’t need to cover it. Two, you don’t need to memorize your whole talk, but do memorize the first 30 seconds of it. After that, your nerves will have calmed down and you’ll feel more confident on stage.
2. Don’t forget about people
People notice how you treat people. So when you’re on stage, make sure you know the names of the people you are introducing or who introduced you. There were a few moments where speakers simply thanked “the moderator” or moderators had to read off cards who the next speaker was. The audience notices this, so make an effort to know the names of the people you’re sharing the stage with.
3. Do be an active participant in the conversation
You might be on stage as a moderator instead of a speaker or panelist once in a while, and that can be a lot to deal with. Especially on a stage like Web Summit’s where talks are closely timed and the audience can submit questions. Yet the most important bit is being an active participant and listening. Don’t just focus on the script of questions you want to get through! There was a moment where a moderator repeated a question that had already been asked by someone in the audience – don’t let that be you.
4. Do get up on that stage
My most important takeaway: Don’t let fear, or nerves, or someone else stop you from getting on stage and sharing what you have to say. Women especially need to be seen and speak more on stage to not only inspire others about what is possible, but to also show they are capable and qualified to do big things. On the Women in Tech panel, Lindsey Turrentine from CNET said, “The more you talk about who you are, the more people can see that you are qualified to do what they do.” So make use of these tips or forget them all – in either case, make sure you get out there and make your voice heard.
That was also one of our favorite parts: Be it through Whatsapp or Facebook groups, Slack channels, or old-school in person meeting, the women at Web Summit banded together. And that’s all we are about at CoWomen. We’re stronger together after all! And one of the things I’m most excited about our new location for the community club & coworking space in the Alte Muenze in Berlin-Mitte is that we’ll have more space to hold events and workshops to teach women skills to get the confidence to go out there and have their voices heard! If you haven’t yet, you can check out all the info on the crowdfunding campaign running until December 8th, where you can also become a CoWoman or support rising women: www.ConnectRisingCoWomen.com
Tragen Sie Unterwäsche?
“Tragen Sie Unterwäsche?”
Hannah – Dezember 2018
Am letzten Freitag, 30.11.2018, war ich beim ersten Selbstständigentag, den Freeliance organisiert hat. Olla sagte mir, dass ich doch unbedingt ein Thema für ein Barcamp vorschlagen sollte für all die anwesenden Frauen. Ich nannte es „Female Empowerment ohne Klischees – die besonderen Herausforderungen für Frauen und mögliche Lösungen.“ Worauf sind wir in unserem Berufsleben – ob in Selbstständigkeit oder als Angestellte – schon gestoßen, wie sind wir damit umgegangen, wie würden wir heute damit umgehen und welche Ratschläge haben die anderen Frauen für uns. Dazu tauschten wir uns in 45 Minuten aus.
„Tragen Sie Unterwäsche?“ ist eins meiner Lieblingsbeispiele. Auch wegen der Reaktion der Frau, die es erlebt hat. Sie saß dabei als einzige Frau in einer Besprechung mit vielen weißen Männern in Anzügen (so viel zu der Freiheit von Klischees). Was glaubt ihr, hättet ihr gemacht? „Ich wäre schockiert gewesen… Ich hätte vermutlich meine Bluse aufgemacht oder das Shirt hochgezogen und gesagt ‚Gleich hier?‘“, sagten die Frauen am Freitag. Wie schlagfertig sind wir wohl in einer Situation, in der man nicht mit so einem heftigen Spruch rechnet?
Du darfst direkt sein. Sag es ruhig! Was mir im vor allem beruflichen Umfeld oft passiert, ist, dass ich als arrogant oder zickig empfunden werde, weil ich sehr direkt und sachlich bin. Von Frauen wird ein Verhalten erwartet, das wir mal als weiblich sozialisiert bezeichnen und vor allem auf Harmonie und Gemeinschaft ausgerichtet ist. Weiche Umschreibungen, keine Verhandlungsstärke und -härte. Ich bin noch dabei, das richtige Maß zu finden, direkt aber trotzdem freundlich zu sein, ohne weich zu wirken. Und immer höflich bleiben – egal wie man zurück feuert. Auch wenn der andere es nicht ist. „Do it anyway“, bleib deinen Werten treu.
Als gute Strategie ist hier zum Beispiel vorher anzukündigen, dass man nun sehr sachlich und direkt sprechen wird. Dann weiß mein Gegenüber schon, was sie*ihn erwartet und kann es einsortieren. In den meisten Fällen. “Ich werde meine Meinung ganz direkt zum Ausdruck bringen. Ich werde so konkret wie möglich sein.” Gut ist es auch, wenn man erklärt, weshalb man so antwortet und hierbei auf die Werte abzielt: “Ich sehe das als eine Frage der Ehrlichkeit und Integrität, deshalb ist es wichtig für mich, klar zu sein, wo ich stehe.”
Übrigens finde ich Tara Mohr’s Buch „Playing Big“ ganz gut, um mal zu schauen, wie wir eigentlich kommunizieren und was einfache Anpassungen bewirken und sie führt durch das Buch und gibt uns praktische Mittel an die Hand.
Freitag hörte ich dann: „Aber ich bin doch immer sachlich und direkt und habe keine Lust, um den heißen Brei zu reden.“ Auch sie ist eher diejenige in den Gesprächen, die das Geschäft zum Abschluss bringt und sich als den „bad cop“ von beiden bezeichnen würde.
Rede weiter! Kennt ihr das, wenn ihr sprecht und ihr unterbrochen werdet, obwohl ihr 
noch nicht fertig seid? Es gibt ja bestimmte Kommunikationsweisen und es gibt immer mal den Atemzug, der andeutet, dass man hier unterbrechen und antworten darf. Wenn man weiterreden würde, würde vermutlich keine weitere Aussage kommen. Aber dann gibt es eben die Situationen, in denen man eben noch nicht seinen Standpunkt genannt hat. Redet weiter…werdet nur ein bisschen lauter. Aber redet einfach weiter. Auch die anderen Anwesenden merken, dass der Unterbrechende einen unpassenden Zeitpunkt gewählt hat. Dann noch ein kleines Lächeln nachsetzen, wenn man fertig ist. Das nächste Mal wird man sicher nicht wieder unterbrochen.
Übrigens: Wenn ihr nur ein klein bisschen lauter sprecht, macht ihr weniger „Ääähm“!
Bring nicht den Kaffee: Wir Frauen werden ja vermehrt dazu erzogen, gastfreundlich und zuvorkommend zu sein. Außerdem sehen wir ja auch oft, was anderen fehlt. (Hat hier irgendwer was über Klischees gesagt?!) Aber bring nicht den Kaffee mit! Natürlich ist es freundlich und nett. Man will ja auch nicht eine Schreckschraube werden. Ich bin hier um gehört zu werden, weil das, was ich sage, verdammt gut und richtig ist. Und nicht um Kaffee zu bringen.
Teamdynamik, Männer und die Wichtigkeit der Netzwerke: Wir wissen, dass die Dynamik im Team uns stark macht. Entweder dadurch, dass man unterschiedliche Rollen annimmt, dass eine mehr mit dem Gegenüber „klickt“ als andere. Und nicht zuletzt, weil man sich gegenseitig bestärkt, nachts noch telefoniert und sich beruhigt. Vorgehen für das Gespräch bespricht, die man dann vielleicht trotzdem nicht einhält.
Wenn euch etwas oder ein Team hierfür fehlt, dann holt es euch: Wenn ihr beruflich beispielsweise alleine unterwegs seid, ist ein Netzwerk, in dem ihr euch sicher fühlt, ebenso gut. Stellt die Gespräche nach, bereitet sie vor, besprecht Strategien. Holt euch Feedback – vorher und nachher. Wir sind beispielsweise nur Frauen im Gründerteam und legen viel Wert darauf, uns immer mit männlichen Mentoren und Coaches zu umgeben.
Habt ihr mal probiert, die eher typischen Rollen unter euch im Team zu tauschen? Wir sind nach kurzer Zeit in die Rollen zurück gerutscht, in denen wir uns wohler fühlen und die eben authentischer zu unserer jeweiligen Persönlichkeit gehören. Authentisches Auftreten ist nicht zu unterschätzen. Wenn unser Äußeres nicht mit unserem Innern übereinstimmt, merkt die Person, die uns gegenüber sitzt, ebenso und fühlt sich unwohl, da etwas nicht stimmig ist, ohne immer zu wissen, was genau.
Kennt ihr das Beispiel der Frauen, die nicht weiterkamen in Verhandlungen, beim Funding etc.? Sie haben kurzer Hand einen männlichen Mitgründer erfunden, der dann aber zufällig bei den Terminen keine Zeit hatte. Plötzlich bekamen sie, was sie verlangten.
Beim letzten Mal haben wir auch etwas probiert: Wir haben einen Mann an den Tisch gebracht. Nur mal hingesetzt, um zu schauen, wie sich die Dynamik verändert. Ich glaube, der Mann saß zu weit weg. Aber deutlich war, dass sich unser Gegenüber nur mit Frauen wohler gefühlt hat. Aber an der jeweiligen Verhandlungsposition hat es nichts geändert. Wir freuen uns also auf mehr Schritte mit diesem Partner.
„Tragen Sie Unterwäsche?“ Die Frau hat in die Runde geschaut, die anwesenden Männer angeschaut und gefragt „Halten Sie das für ein angemessenes Verhalten?“
Empowered (wo)men empower women: Wir hoffen, wir müssen über diese Dinge irgendwann nicht mehr schreiben. Aber bis dahin: Lasst uns zusammen stark sein und jeden Tag etwas bewegen. Was sind eure Ideen dazu? Was ist euch schon passiert und wie habt ihr es gelöst? Oder wozu hättet ihr gerne einen Ratschlag? Schreibt uns an hi@CoWomen.com
Entrepreneurial burnout - what it is and how to avoid it
[:en]As creative entrepreneurs, it’s super important for us to keep the inspiration alive. We are surrounded by everyone’s highlight reel. We only see the glamorous parts of entrepreneurship. We see those pinterest-worthy home offices with faux fur rugs tossed around the white leather chairs in their never-been-messy homes. We see women who are meal-prepping their keto dinners every Sunday afternoon while recording a podcast and doing a Facebook live.
Hold up a second… we ARE these women. We cross off an item on our to-do list and next thing we know, there’s something else stealing our attention. We go. Go. GO. That’s what we do, right? We get things DONE.
Then it hits you. The not-so-glamorous entrepreneurial burnout.
You know that burnout that makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning? The kind of burnout that leaves us telling our mom we’ll call her next week because we are just THAT drained. It’s the burnout that leaves us canceling plans that excite us. The burnout that makes us put our mental health on the back-burner. It brings out allll the guilt. The guilt for not doing enough and not being a good enough wife, mom or business women. It sucks, but we have all been there.
Good news is, taking a proactive approach to life and your business can help keep you on track to avoid this ever-so-treacherous entrepreneurial burnout. And I promise you, that nap you’re thinking about right now will end up working more towards your business than holding out to do more work would. Trust me, girl.
Wanna know my secrets to avoiding entrepreneurial burnout? Well lucky for you, I’m sharing these with you below! *happy dance* Read on & enjoy!
CELEBRATE THE WINS.
I put this one first intentionally - it’s SO important. We are doing incredible things everyday. We’re working full-time jobs, taking care of our homes, keeping up with the bills, making dinner, cleaning our houses, doing ALL the things, all while growing a business.
One of the first things I did when I went into business was hire a business coach. She stressed the importance of celebrating every single win, because as these go-getter, amazing women, we are constantly in GO mode. In “I have to do more” mode. In “I have to get this done right freaking now,” mode. Doing one task and going on to another without focusing on the wins (I’m talking both big AND small) leads to us forgetting our “why.” It makes us ask ourselves if what we’re doing is even worth it all this hustle and bustle.
When you find yourself celebrating the small wins, you find yourself wanting to achieve more! It’s like that feeling you get after you check something off of your to-do list. You know that feeling, don’t you? Let yourself feel that rush for longer than the typical three seconds before you move on to something else. When I get a new client, I literally stand up and dance. Then I go do something for myself. Whether that’s taking a bath, going to dinner or even going to bed. Sometimes it’s booking the weekend trip I’ve been thinking about. Regardless of what it is, I ALWAYS celebrate.
Here are some things that always deserve celebrating:
- - When someone signs up for your email list (or hell, even starting your email list)
- - Getting a new client
- - Getting an amazing review (tip: print these out and hang them around you or keep them in a Google doc, that way, whenever you feel down, you can remember how much your clients love you, and how much the universe NEEDS you!)
- - Reaching any goal - big or small (and when you take the time to celebrate instead of automatically setting a bigger goal, I promise, you will find yourself reaching more goals than you ever expected!)
You’re doing amazing. You should be so proud of yourself.
DON’T LET PERFECT BE THE ENEMY OF GOOD.
Two of my favorite quotes ever happen to be by Jenna Kutcher. One is “busy is not a badge of honor,” and the other is “done is better than perfect.” I find myself reminding myself of both of these things on a daily basis.
Most of us struggle with perfectionism. We always have, and we always will. Especially when we are over-coming this insane self-doubt and imposter syndrome we have and trying to figure out how to do all of the things. We’re working hard to make our dreams come true and every little thing has to be absolutely perfect.
Except it doesn’t.
Nothing does.
Ever.
Let go of the idea of perfect and marry the idea of momentum. Perseverance and momentum is what distinguishes those who are successful from those who are not. Don’t waste your precious time and energy trying to perfect something. Accept the idea of “good enough.” Understand that when you wake up every single morning, you have a limited amount of energy, and you have to determine where that energy goes. Figure out what is important, what needs more time, and what you can do to just get by (and fix later!)
Forgiving yourself and accepting things that are not-so-perfect will save you so much time, energy, and let you focus on other things that are really important (like making yourself and your business money, duh) and help you to avoid that entrepreneurial burnout.
FIGURE OUT WHAT RECHARGES YOU.
This is often talked about and associated with the word “disconnect.” And don’t get me wrong, disconnecting can be incredibly beneficial and an amazing way to recharge, but not for everyone. You know how people identify with either being introverted or extroverted? They use those words, not to determine how “shy” they are, or how “anti-social,” they are, but to describe where they get their energy from.
After a long work week, do you feel more energized when you go out with your friends? Or, do you feel more energized after spending an evening alone with minimal contact to others?
“Introverts require some alone space to clear their mind whereas extroverts generate energy by spending time with people. Alone time allows introverts to disconnect from the world and reset their focus and this is absolutely crucial for their survival. Introverts recharge from within because this is how they get their signal that they are in full control of themselves. Spending time with people cons
tantly would drain them. Thus, they embrace solitude because it allows them to concentrate better and avoid distractions. Extroverts, on the other hand, feel fully fulfilled and content being surrounded by people. Social environments with larger crowds stimulate extroverts their share of energy.” - Learning Mind
Figure out what you identify with most, and use that for energy. Isolating yourself completely may not help you avoid entrepreneurial burnout if you’re an extrovert, and vice versa if you are an introvert. It is so important to understand this and know the difference!
FOCUS ON HOW FAR YOU’VE COME.
Don’t take yourself for granted.
Look back at yourself six months ago, a year ago, six years ago.
Look at the difference you’ve already made for yourself. Hold that pride close, put it in a little bottle and get it out at times where you start to feel that entrepreneurial burnout and when you begin to question yourself. It’s energizing. It’s an unexplainable feeling to actually focus on the fact that you took your dream, in circumstances that weren’t perfect, and you worked towards it anyway.
A lot of this goes back to gratitude, too. I use the Five Minute Journal daily and it helps me sit down and realize my wins of the day and what I accomplished. And even that, I flip back every few weeks and see the amazing things I’ve done and the progress I’ve made and how far I’ve come in just that short amount of time. When you realize what you’ve already done and how far you’ve already made it, it makes it incredibly hard to not believe that you will go further. And further.
And, when you see where you are now, objectively, from a perspective of pride and not criticism, you will realize: you are way too damn far in this to quit.
At the end of the day, these things all go back to the big picture of self-care. So, above all things you pencil in your schedule, make that number one.
Now, go take that nap. You deserve it.
xx[:de]As creative entrepreneurs, it’s super important for us to keep the inspiration alive. We are surrounded by everyone’s highlight reel. We only see the glamorous parts of entrepreneurship. We see those pinterest-worthy home offices with faux fur rugs tossed around the white leather chairs in their never-been-messy homes. We see women who are meal-prepping their keto dinners every Sunday afternoon while recording a podcast and doing a Facebook live.
Hold up a second… we ARE these women. We cross off an item on our to-do list and next thing we know, there’s something else stealing our attention. We go. Go. GO. That’s what we do, right? We get things DONE.
Then it hits you. The not-so-glamorous entrepreneurial burnout.
You know that burnout that makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning? The kind of burnout that leaves us telling our mom we’ll call her next week because we are just THAT drained. It’s the burnout that leaves us canceling plans that excite us. The burnout that makes us put our mental health on the back-burner. It brings out allll the guilt. The guilt for not doing enough and not being a good enough wife, mom or business women. It sucks, but we have all been there.
Good news is, taking a proactive approach to life and your business can help keep you on track to avoid this ever-so-treacherous entrepreneurial burnout. And I promise you, that nap you’re thinking about right now will end up working more towards your business than holding out to do more work would. Trust me, girl.
Wanna know my secrets to avoiding entrepreneurial burnout? Well lucky for you, I’m sharing these with you below! *happy dance* Read on & enjoy!
CELEBRATE THE WINS.
I put this one first intentionally - it’s SO important. We are doing incredible things everyday. We’re working full-time jobs, taking care of our homes, keeping up with the bills, making dinner, cleaning our houses, doing ALL the things, all while growing a business.
One of the first things I did when I went into business was hire a business coach. She stressed the importance of celebrating every single win, because as these go-getter, amazing women, we are constantly in GO mode. In “I have to do more” mode. In “I have to get this done right freaking now,” mode. Doing one task and going on to another without focusing on the wins (I’m talking both big AND small) leads to us forgetting our “why.” It makes us ask ourselves if what we’re doing is even worth it all this hustle and bustle.
When you find yourself celebrating the small wins, you find yourself wanting to achieve more! It’s like that feeling you get after you check something off of your to-do list. You know that feeling, don’t you? Let yourself feel that rush for longer than the typical three seconds before you move on to something else. When I get a new client, I literally stand up and dance. Then I go do something for myself. Whether that’s taking a bath, going to dinner or even going to bed. Sometimes it’s booking the weekend trip I’ve been thinking about. Regardless of what it is, I ALWAYS celebrate.
Here are some things that always deserve celebrating:
- - When someone signs up for your email list (or hell, even starting your email list)
- - Getting a new client
- - Getting an amazing review (tip: print these out and hang them around you or keep them in a Google doc, that way, whenever you feel down, you can remember how much your clients love you, and how much the universe NEEDS you!)
- - Reaching any goal - big or small (and when you take the time to celebrate instead of automatically setting a bigger goal, I promise, you will find yourself reaching more goals than you ever expected!)
You’re doing amazing. You should be so proud of yourself.
DON’T LET PERFECT BE THE ENEMY OF GOOD.
Two of my favorite quotes ever happen to be by Jenna Kutcher. One is “busy is not a badge of honor,” and the other is “done is better than perfect.” I find myself reminding myself of both of these things on a daily basis.
Most of us struggle with perfectionism. We always have, and we always will. Especially when we are over-coming this insane self-doubt and imposter syndrome we have and trying to figure out how to do all of the things. We’re working hard to make our dreams come true and every little thing has to be absolutely perfect.
Except it doesn’t.
Nothing does.
Ever.
Let go of the idea of perfect and marry the idea of momentum. Perseverance and momentum is what distinguishes those who are successful from those who are not. Don’t waste your precious time and energy trying to perfect something. Accept the idea of “good enough.” Understand that when you wake up every single morning, you have a limited amount of energy, and you have to determine where that energy goes. Figure out what is important, what needs more time, and what you can do to just get by (and fix later!)
Forgiving yourself and accepting things that are not-so-perfect will save you so much time, energy, and let you focus on other things that are really important (like making yourself and your business money, duh) and help you to avoid that entrepreneurial burnout.
FIGURE OUT WHAT RECHARGES YOU.
This is often talked about and associated with the word “disconnect.” And don’t get me wrong, disconnecting can be incredibly beneficial and an amazing way to recharge, but not for everyone. You know how people identify with either being introverted or extroverted? They use those words, not to determine how “shy” they are, or how “anti-social,” they are, but to describe where they get their energy from.
After a long work week, do you feel more energized when you go out with your friends? Or, do you feel more energized after spending an evening alone with minimal contact to others?
“Introverts require some alone space to clear their mind whereas extroverts generate energy by spending time with people. Alone time allows introverts to disconnect from the world and reset their focus and this is absolutely crucial for their survival. Introverts recharge from within because this is how they get their signal that they are in full control of themselves. Spending time with people cons
tantly would drain them. Thus, they embrace solitude because it allows them to concentrate better and avoid distractions. Extroverts, on the other hand, feel fully fulfilled and content being surrounded by people. Social environments with larger crowds stimulate extroverts their share of energy.” - Learning Mind
Figure out what you identify with most, and use that for energy. Isolating yourself completely may not help you avoid entrepreneurial burnout if you’re an extrovert, and vice versa if you are an introvert. It is so important to understand this and know the difference!
FOCUS ON HOW FAR YOU’VE COME.
Don’t take yourself for granted.
Look back at yourself six months ago, a year ago, six years ago.
Look at the difference you’ve already made for yourself. Hold that pride close, put it in a little bottle and get it out at times where you start to feel that entrepreneurial burnout and when you begin to question yourself. It’s energizing. It’s an unexplainable feeling to actually focus on the fact that you took your dream, in circumstances that weren’t perfect, and you worked towards it anyway.
A lot of this goes back to gratitude, too. I use the Five Minute Journal daily and it helps me sit down and realize my wins of the day and what I accomplished. And even that, I flip back every few weeks and see the amazing things I’ve done and the progress I’ve made and how far I’ve come in just that short amount of time. When you realize what you’ve already done and how far you’ve already made it, it makes it incredibly hard to not believe that you will go further. And further.
And, when you see where you are now, objectively, from a perspective of pride and not criticism, you will realize: you are way too damn far in this to quit.
At the end of the day, these things all go back to the big picture of self-care. So, above all things you pencil in your schedule, make that number one.
Now, go take that nap. You deserve it.
xx[:]
Pursuing your career intuition, not a vision
Sometimes I feel like I am simultaneously the most confident and the most insecure person on the planet.
I very much know myself and what I enjoy, and what works for me as an employee and student. But what I don’t know is what the expectations really are for me at this time. I can raise myself up quickly with my successes: I’ve lived and worked in three countries before I have even earned my university degree! But looking at other people around me so easily tears me down.
I have always harbored this jealousy for people who are engineers, carpenters, or lawyers. I am a business major, which doesn’t necessarily translate into a direct career at any certain type of company. However, if you study engineering, I think it’s safe to assume you’re going to be an engineer. I am jealous of stability- of people who have their careers planned out. I’m so controlled by my whim for more that I direct myself towards more ambiguous, albeit exciting, paths. I compare myself to the people on my Facebook page who are buying homes, getting promoted, or getting engaged. My desire for an unconventional life has left me pursuing a future that follows my career intuition but isn’t stable. What is a career intuition? It means I don't have a vision of what my future career will be but I guide my professional decisions based on what feels good to me.
I've never been one of those girls who dreamed of a certain career.
The normalcy of a 9-5 in a cubicle is something I'm unable to be content with. I throw myself into situations that are at first stressful. Moving to a new country: stressful. Focusing my studies on something that doesn't align with a set career: stressful. Not knowing what the next ten years of my life will look like: stressful. Literally even navigating a grocery store in a foreign country: surprisingly stressful. I am dedicating a crucial time of my life to pursuing my ‘wants’ and maybe not my ‘needs.’ That I'm dedicating a foundational part of my life to exploring, and in twenty years I will still be struggling at a minimum wage job scares me. But I know that right now, I want to explore the world and take full advantage of my youth while I don't have bills or other large responsibilities.
There is a huge risk in pursuing your passions over what is practical. And pursuing a future based on intuition, not a vision. But what is greater than my jealousy of other people’s stability and “conventional” paths, is my fear of regretting not pursuing a future that allows me to travel all over the world and makes me excited to go into work every morning (whatever that work may be). This career hasn't manifested itself into a specific image, or vision of the future. But I do know what feels right, so I will follow my career intuition to guide me along in my decision-making. But, that doesn't mean I can't put in some work now.
So what to do about it?
First of all: yes, many people on Facebook are getting engaged and promoted, but some of my “friends” are also posting about going to jail and/or are trolls who comment negativity on anything they can find. So, I probably shouldn’t rely on Facebook as a marker of success.
I also am strategic about all of my “whims.” Yeah, I am packed up and moved to a foreign country for two months, but it is for an internship where I’m gaining valuable work experience. There is tact in all of my adventures and decisions. So you’ll never see me moving to Thailand without a job already arranged or university classes to be taken (some people can afford to do this, but sadly, not I). You can definitely travel and follow your dreams and not be totally irresponsible about it.
I also make sure that every work experience I gain is diverse, yet transferable. I don’t know what career(s) I’ll want to pursue in the future. And that’s okay! But it’s not a reason to not be getting work experience. There is so much value in dedicating yourself to a job or internship. So even if it doesn’t directly correlate to something I want to do in the future, I am proving that I am reliable, hardworking, and flexible! Plus, some extra money doesn't hurt. I worked two jobs in the summer of 2018 to finance my study abroad trip to Edinburgh, Scotland.
And finally, it really doesn't help being an asshole to yourself. I’m a strong believer in positive reinforcement and not punishments. All in all, every experience, good or bad, is a learning experience. So if something happens that I don’t like, it’s getting mentally categorized as, “yep, never doing that again” and moving on, and not, “omg, I'm a huge failure.”
So if you, like me, sometimes feel like there isn't a clear goal you're pursuing, keep in mind that it's better to actually attempt to pursue happiness than being complacent for the sake of living a “normal” life. And it's okay to not have a set vision of what your future will look like. Remain malleable in your decisions, be flexible, and follow your career intuition on what seems like smart decisions for you, and not for other people.
Finding my value as a female freelancer
"So, what’s your rate?"
A question that comes up at the end of any successful first meeting with a new client. And it’s a question that I’ve cringed at and felt uncomfortable with for a long time. It’s a loaded question, which asks, "how much are your services worth?" And subtly insinuates, "how much are you worth?" No wonder it makes many of us feel uncomfortable. In many a situation, I’ve undersold myself, in terms of both my skill base and my hourly rate. So, I’ve decided, using my platform on CoWomen, that I’d like to open a discussion of finding personal value in the world of entrepreneurship.
This discussion has many different components. But, at least in my case, can be split down the middle into two rough categories. These are; knowing myself and my value, and secondly, showcasing and communicating my value outwardly to clients, coworkers, and others. We’ll tackle them one at a time…
Starting with ourselves:
The former category is the more challenging of the two for me. It’s something that I’ve really had to work on and still remind myself of often. Doubting ourselves is something that we’ve all done -or do- to some extent. And when starting out on your own, that can be even more prominent. Especially as a young female, often in environments dominated by people older than me. Fighting back against self-doubt has been one of my single biggest challenges, and most real key successes to date.
One way I challenged myself to think differently was by creating two lists on a piece of paper. One list contained my ‘drawbacks’ and the other side listed things I had achieved, my values, things I was proud of, and short term goals. For example, in the back of my mind has always been the murmur, "but you’re only in your early 20’s, you don’t have the skills or experience that ‘x’ requires." I scribbled this down on my paper, and linked this to statements on the other side, such as, "I have done x internship at x company." "I have demonstrated willingness to learn and adapt by x, y and z." "I have learnt a wide range of transferable skills by…" You get the idea.
This piece of paper with all of the intertwining links became my ‘bullshit-buster.’ Whenever doubts flew into my brain at the speed of light, I’d have instant ‘put-downs’ to my own negative, thoughts. Writing down the things I was worried people in my professional life were thinking about me, but then linking them up with honest examples of why they weren’t true, or at least why they shouldn’t be reasons to collaborate with me, I learned that my value was much greater than I’d previously thought. "I do have the skills, my potential is great and I’m excited to continue on my journey as a young female freelancer." My mantra.
Crunch time:
Before many a meeting, I’ve sat in front of a mirror, wondering if I’m dressed too smart, too casual, how I should introduce myself. How I can add value to this company, and ultimately how I can get the people on the other side of the table to want me on their team? Having your bullshit-buster in hand -or at least memorised in your head- is a great aid to have at this moment.
If I’m having a meeting with a new potential client, it’s because I can see myself as a part of their team. I’ve certainly already done my research, had a chat with someone on the team via email or phone, and I’m excited by the prospect of working together. From their side, they know I’m very interested and they must think (or even just have a hunch) that I’m somewhat capable or passionate.
Bearing in mind that the people opposite of you aren’t doubting your every word. Rather, hopefully, they’re interested in how you are interacting and presenting yourself; listening to your ideas and also giving you information on the role and their wants and expectations. At some point, however, the question we started this whole article with will come up. ‘
"So, what’s your rate?"
You’ve probably practiced answering this answer many times. Breathe you’ve got this. Now, you know your worth in terms of what you can bring to the table, what’s required of you in this potential new role, and what you believe you should be paid… Now add tax. Money isn’t the be-all end-all, but this ‘business’ you’ve got going on…it should be benefiting you financially. So, up that hourly rate a little, add tax or a little something to cover potential overheads, and be confident with the number you serve back over to the other side of the table. What’s the worst that will happen? I’ll tell you: it’s that you’ll both have to negotiate and compromise somewhere. This is very doable, and should not be shied away from. And there you go, you’ve done it! The conversation that left you sweaty-palmed at the mere thought of it is over, and more importantly, you’ve navigated it well. Based off of good listening skills, communicating clearly with passion, and with a strong sense of self-belief. Congratulations!
Adapting, changing, and learning.
Ultimately finding, learning, and expressing your value in whatever line of work you do is a challenge. It’s something that is constantly adapting and evolving. There’s no way that just one piece of paper can change your outlook. But at least it’s a start, it was my start. Learning our value in every aspect of our lives is something difficult, yet imperative, and undoubtedly entirely fulfilling once we’re on our way to finding it out. As freelancers, entrepreneurs, women in business, just even as humans navigating the world, we’re on our way. Although right now we might not be aware of our destination, self-belief, a willingness to learn, and the right attitude will do a lot in terms of getting us there.
Always remember: know your value and add tax.
-Aimée Elizabeth Cooper